Mountain 1, Me 0

Yosemite is one of my favorite places in the entire universe. Something to do with that moment you remember that there are, in fact, stars in the sky, and that there is, in fact, air to breathe that smells like oak and creek water rather than pollution and bum feces. Most of the time, I am the center of my world, but in Yosemite, a slab of rock is humbling enough to remind me that I am tiny and unimportant.

My MDW (memorial day weekend - do you like the abbreve?) was spent up there with a group of both best friends and strangers. We packed into an RV (it was my first time inside one), which I normally assume must be the chosen vehicle of white trash. However, I was quickly proven wrong when we started eating brie and baguettes in the damn thing, not to mention the fact the fact that there were beds, scotch, and enough space for 14 of us. Touche, RV, touche. I will never take road trips out of LA without one! It was like a a party bus with a kitchen and shower. Not to mention the team-building activities that you can center around the RV, such as backing it out of a steep driveway (a massive group project.)

The rest of the time in Yosemite goes as you might imagine. As someone who drives to the gym that is two blocks away, I tried and failed to appear composed on the most intense hike I've ever experienced. Eventually I gave up as an old man with a cane started laughing at me. After 6 hours engaged in an uphill battle, I was drenched in sweat and delirious ("can I blame this on the whiskey I drank last night? How about the altitude?"). When I got to the top, I saw an INFANT having a picnic with its family, just chilling and giggling as I almost fell over. Really? A baby who doesn't speak English yet didn't even break a sweat, and I felt like I had been wandering the desert without water for a few months? To make matters worse, I then spotted a group of hipsters in street clothes. Totally sweatless. They may as well have been on their way to the Cha Cha Lounge with their perfect hair and skinny jeans. They were even having a conversation about how other hipsters are shocked when they tell people that they're not vegetarians. I, on the other hand, was completely out of breath and unable to speak.

Anyway, who wouldn't want to get their ass kicked in Yosemite? Just don't forget to stop and enjoy the view.